


The Magician in the Bushes

by CaffeineChic



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Caterer Crowley, M/M, Magician Aziraphale (Good Omens), Two Idiots Being Idiots, terrible flirting and terrible magic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-17 00:00:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29090955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaffeineChic/pseuds/CaffeineChic
Summary: There was a magician in the bushes. Well, half in the bushes. The half of him that wasn't was wiggling right inside Crowley's line of sight. He looked away. It was distracting him from staring into the distance. He'd been very busy doing that. He looked back. (it was a good wiggle.)
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 64
Kudos: 131
Collections: Good Omens Bingo 2021





	The Magician in the Bushes

**Author's Note:**

> Huge thanks to [Darcy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/darcylindbergh/works) for beta-ing this
> 
> this idea latched on and wouldn't let go and has the bonus of fulfilling my Good Omens Bingo 2021 square of: "Birthday"

There was a magician in the bushes. Well, half in the bushes. The half of him that wasn't was wiggling right inside Crowley's line of sight. He looked away. It was distracting him from staring into the distance. He'd been very busy doing that. He looked back. (it was a good wiggle.)

The wiggling magician emerged from the shrubbery. Crowley caught his gaze through the sheer idiocy of not having looked away quick enough. He didn't want to talk to anyone, that's why he was hiding down by the bushes beside the garden shed to begin with. 

"I appear to have lost my rabbit."

"Have you checked your hat?" He could have kicked himself. Why was he engaging? (maybe he'd get to see that wiggle again.)

"Why would I - oh yes, very amusing." The magician said it in a tone that made clear that it was in fact, very much _not_ so. The little curl of distaste of his mouth was quite alluring though. _Oy enough of that,_ Crowley pushed the hint of interest to the back of his mind. Wouldn't do to get all allured by an amateur magician at a kid's birthday party, especially one who couldn't even keep track of his rabbit.

Hang on - 

"I've seen you before - whazzhisname's party - Warthog? Warlock! That was it. The Amazing Mr Fell." He smiled around the name despite himself. Hadn't been anything particularly amazing about the act that he could remember, but - _Mr Fell_ on the other hand...

The Amazing Mr Fell appeared to decide to join him against the shed wall. Ok.

"Ah, the Dowling party. What a mess that turned out to be." 

"Yeah, got demoted after that one, bit of a fall down the ladder."

"Oh? You didn't have a hand in all that, surely."

"Might have - " Crowley shifted a bit, uneasy and a bit abashed in retrospect - "might have instigated it a bit. Kid's dad was a shit, might have had a word in the boy's ear, said he was getting a dog. And y'know…"

"No dog."

"No dog."

They both went quiet at that, lost in a year old memory of a food fight that had quickly escalated out of control, something about a gun and the Secret Service and Mr Dowling had not been pleased at all if Crowley's boss and their buzzing rage had been anything to go by. No one had been hurt. He supposed that wasn't really the point. Still.

He cleared his throat. "Good crowd here though. Kids all seem happy. Normal, even. Is that a thing? Are kids normal?"

Why was he still talking to this magician like he wanted to know his answers? Had he dressed this way at the Dowling's? He had, hadn't he. The coat, the cravat for someone's sake, the painted mustache. The cravat kept drawing his gaze. He rolled his eyes at himself. Ridiculous. _Don't look at it. Just don't. It’s fine. S'fine. A lot of people wear cravats. Loads of people have necks. It’s fine._

(he suddenly wondered if he could undo that cravat with his teeth, maybe a button, too, snake his way into that shirt and work some magic of his own.)

Fell fidgeted beside him. "Oh I do hope he's alright."

"Who? Warlock, 'm sure he's fine."

"No, my rabbit - I was rather distracted - " And at that the Amazing Mr Fell looked to and away from Crowley in such quick succession that he almost missed it.

Almost.

Oh. Ohhhhh. Ok. Good.

The fidgeting was intensifying. Wasn't as fun as the wiggle.

"The girl's got it."

"The girl? Which girl?"

"Witch girl? No, not the occult one - the girl that's clearly running the gang back there. Rabbit's fine."

The magician sagged in relief. "Very kind of you to let me know."

Crowley tsked and scrunched his face in discomfort. "Don't mention it. Ever. Bad for my image."

Fell looked him over, head to toe, slowly, quirked an eyebrow. "I'm sure." 

Bastard.

He leaned back against the shed. He should go back in, check on things. One man show today, no help, no one else on his side. 

Fell took a long breath, stared out over the hedgerow. 

On the other hand. 

He could probably stay here a bit longer. Just a bit.

He settled his hip against the shed, half turned to this antiquated illusionist. "Kill for a cigarette right now."

And then something that he wasn't expecting and couldn't have prepared for happened - 

This cravat wearing, neck having, antediluvian of a human being broke into a grin and made a complicated flourishing motion with his hand, that did nothing to hide the cigarette that dropped out of his shirt sleeve and into this palm, before brandishing it in front of Crowley's face with an honest to God "Ta-da!"

It was terrible.

The whole thing.

Awful.

Embarrassing.

And Crowley had never wanted to kiss another person more than he did in that moment.

He desperately tried to keep himself together as he slipped the proffered cigarette from Mr Fell's hand. "Don't know about magician, might be an angel though."

"I _am_ a magician." But there was no bite to it, just a quirk of mouth and knowing grin. "Now hush before I make that cigarette disappear."

"Make _you_ disappear." What on earth was he saying? What sort of a comeback was that? Besides, he didn't want him to disappear. Just, you know, maybe several layers of his clothes. 

He definitely didn't look at the cravat again.

(he did.

twice.)

The cravat in question got pulled and reset as Fell seemed to be righting himself. 

"Oh, off then?"

"Well I am here to entertain."

"Right. Yeah. Course." He stuck out his lip. It wasn't a pout. It wasn't. Pout adjacent. Maybe. "I mean - " he toed at a rock, shoved his hands into his trouser pockets, shrugged right up to his ears; decided to chance his arm, his legs, possibly his spine, " - don't suppose you fancy a quick snog behind the shed then?"

Satan help him there wasn't a reply, just a void of response where the kid's joyful shouts punched through to drive home the point that Fell hadn't answered. 

Until he did.

"I rather think not."

Damn it. Worth a shot.

"Course, yeah yeah - I gotta get back too - "

"I mean to say, I'm not due on again for 20 more minutes - there needn't be anything quick about it."

Crowley's spine straightened to attention for the first time in his entire life as he pushed off the shed wall. 

"Ngk - wha."

"Perhaps we could go out through the gate though - find somewhere more private?"

"Leave the garden?"

"Indeed."

"Lead on, angel. Lead on." 

**Author's Note:**

> hi! thanks for reading 🖤
> 
> i'm [here](http://caffeinechic.tumblr.com) on tumblr
> 
> comments, questions, dms always welcome!
> 
> if you're interested in a longer, angstier piece, this is my current wip [This is For Your Own Good](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26069932/chapters/63405622)


End file.
